Earlier this year I wrote about how I was learning to slow down. I gave myself a goal - to understand that rest can bring me peace, happiness and abundance. And to be honest, I totally forgot about this goal for about 4 months ha. But when I rediscovered it, I promptly put it on a sticky note on my computer monitor so I could see it every day.

The things I've been doing to reach this goal are - take naps, do less, commit to less, work less, think less often. To someone else this list may seem really great, but honestly it's been a HUGE shift for me. It's been uncomfortable and stress inducing. I worry that I'm missing out on opportunities or actually putting myself at a disadvantage. I feel like I'm wasting time. So of course I cope with these insecurities by scrolling. My phone usage went up by 32% per week (thank you iPhone productivity app). But I am learning to have patience for myself. Breaking my workaholic habit is not easy.

Some days are better than others, but most days I putter around the house thinking about what I could be doing next. I repot my plants and listen to podcasts, then I remind myself that I'm supposed to be doing less. Oops. When you're conditioned to always be achieving, it's hard to remember that resting is productive. So I affirm to myself, "Rest brings inspiration". "Resting to rest is a birthright." "More is not better."

Slowing down has invited me to look deep within to understand why I want to achieve, what drives me and how to shift it from achieving in an unhealthy way to a healthy way.

I realized that I am driven by fear most of the time. For example, I work and network and strategize because I don't want to run out of money. I'm afraid of not having enough. I am detail oriented because I don't want to let my clients down by missing something. Achieving from a fear mindset can feel like a chore and bring with it negative energy.

All of this comes from a mindset of scarcity and not having enough. So I've decided to pause or slow down on other responsibilities to turn this mindset around. According to Lynne Twist in her book The Soul of Money, to find sufficiency you must believe these three things:

1. There is Always Enough
2. More is Not Better
3. You Can Always Change Your Situation

Slowing down also made me more aware of this tiny voice of dissatisfaction that shows up ALL THE TIME. It's the reason why I scroll, and why I walk around stores looking for trinkets to buy. It's the reason why I'm uncomfortable and look for things to clean or do around the house. It's the reason why I give myself more work than I need.

Now at this point I felt good to be here - with the awareness that I'm unhappy. I needed help getting out of this place so I started therapy.

And I used this opportunity to practice my newfound perspective of sufficiency.

1. There is Always Enough - there is enough money for me to go to the right therapist for me. Even if I have to pay out of pocket for the one I want to work with.
2. More is Not Better - I don't need to seek help from multiple avenues or resources. I can just start with therapy and focus on this path.
3. You can Always Change Your Situation - I'm not going to be unhappy forever and one step at time, I'll become happier.

I'm excited to go to therapy. I know it will help me and I'm not worried about anything surrounding it. I'm proud that I'm in this place, because last year if you would have asked me to go I would have told myself that "I can figure it out on my own." "I don't want to go through the process of finding the right person." "It'll be too expensive." Closed off, Lack, and more Lack mentality.

When I paid for my first session in full, it felt great. I was proud of myself for having enough and for using it on myself and my health.

I'm not yet achieving in a healthy way. I still putter around the house looking for things to do. But I know I'm dismantling the beliefs that make me this way. And with my therapist I'm building a better foundation for my life going forward.

The rest of the year is going to be amazing.

Miinkay